I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
