I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I accidentally burped into my bong.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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