im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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