omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
