found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
