I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
