Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Randomize
