Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
