Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
