He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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