Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
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