I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
