garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
love makes seman taste better
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
