They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
