College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
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