Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
