im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
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