So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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