He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
