Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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