dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
