I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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