I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Randomize