You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
