I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
