He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
