Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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