I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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