I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
