Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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