best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
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