Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
