True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
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