Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
He did a backflip because drugs
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize