we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
