You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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