So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
