so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
