how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
