We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
