I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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