I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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