I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
