I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
