Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
