i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
is wine microwaveable?
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
