The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
