dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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