Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize