it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
