I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Randomize
