I feel like abortions should bother me more
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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