Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
