I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Randomize
