Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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