Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
