You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
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