he puts the penis in happiness.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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