dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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