Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Randomize
