Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
