you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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