I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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