Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
