how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
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