The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
