There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
