How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
