i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
