I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
