After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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