Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
