Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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