We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
