i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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