just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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