I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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