I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
When did angry sex become our thing?
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
