So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
