I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
