My friends, they love my intelligence
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
