just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
