He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
