If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
