Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
