dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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