drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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