I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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