I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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