Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
