i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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