Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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