You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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