I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
