She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Randomize
